These times are called dating.
Of course, there are things you should always be truthful about: your age (a year up or down doesn't count), your intentions, and your phone number.
But show me a girl who says that she is 100% honest at all times when in the dating scene and I will show you a liar. Ironic really.
And then I will show her this post so that she can have some insight on where the line between a lie and a flirt is drawn.
Example:
Crush: I just went on a fabulous trip to Europe.
Truth: Yeah, I know. I saw every picture from your trip on Facebook and read each comment. It was so funny how you imitated every statue that you came across for a photo op!
Flirt: Oh, interesting! Where abouts did you go?
Stalkers are creepy and open ended questions, even ones that you may already know the answers to, are encouraged.
Example:
Crush: I really enjoy hanging out at Club X downtown.
Truth: I heard that from your best friend's ex-girlfriend's cousin who works in my building so I've been going there five nights a week hoping to run into you. They make great mojitos!
Flirt: I heard that place was fun, we should check it out together some time.
People freak out when they realize they are not anonymous. This way you may even score a date.
So that's when you should lie. It's also when you should get a life and stop focusing on theirs.
Here is when you should tell the truth.
Example:
Crush: I speak French
Lie: Moi aussi! Voulez-vous couchez avec moi, ce soir?
Flirt: How exotic of you! Have you ever been to Paris?
By telling the truth, you have gone from a Lady Marmalade lying hooker to an interesting conversationalist. Voila!
And here's an example from last weekend of a man we call Phoenix. We don't know why we call him that, we only know that it makes us laugh so hard that it counts as an ab workout.
Phoenix: Would you like to go snowshoeing on Saturday?
Lu: Oh course, it's my favorite outdoor activity, I'm soooo good at it! I left my gear in my hometown though! Oh well!
Phoenix: No problem, I'm super manly and can take care of that for you. Pick you up at 10.
Expletive.
This is a situation when a lie was not necessary considering that the truth would have set me free.
Truth: I have always wanted to try it, maybe you could teach me?
Those are the lines that I come up with after I've dug myself so far into a hole that even a seven hour snowshoe lesson would not be able to get me out of.
Maybe a cute outfit will help ease the guilt of an untruth?
Nope.
So I continued the lie even after he gave me several outs and even after almost getting busted.
Lu: These snowshoes are way different than mine, can you help me do them up?
Phoenix: That's weird, these are standard issue.
Lu: Hhhmmm...
One thing I've learned is that the truth will almost always be revealed. In my case it comes right on schedule, after approximately three glasses of wine.
Lu: I lied! I lied! I've never snowshoed before! (spoken through Beetlejuice lips)
Of course this is an example of a lie that did not get me into a lot of trouble and that wasn't a big deal once revealed. I just felt like an idiot and Phoenix likely thought I was an idiot as well.
So where to draw the line on telling the truth about your athletic abilities? Always be honest.
You will avoid the hours of youtubing certain sports, buying gear that is unnecessary, and looking like a wacko because you thought speed was the primary goal in winning at snowshoeing.
Also, your date is instantly put in the teacher/hero/upper hand role, and what man doesn't love that?
Tu comprende?
So for the future, trust that speaking French will not seal the deal.
Trust that the reality of who you are is always good enough.
Trust that your authentic self is what your future forever-lover will fall for.
Au revoir.
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