Boxes Are Better

No this is not a post about female rights.

But it is about this female's right to drink wine.

Today is the second anniversary of the death of Thomas Angove, a man that all wine drinkers should know about and appreciate.

Thomas Angrove is the inventor of boxed wine, otherwise known as a classy girl's beer keg. Once tapped it apparently keeps the wine fresh for up to six weeks, although one has never lasted that long in my household.

Not only is a box of wine easier to transport than clanking, breakable bottles, it also is environmentally responsible to drink, as it requires much less packaging.

So rather that mourning the loss of a brilliant inventor, let us tap a fresh box and drink to the invention that has made so many of our lives better.

Cheers Mr. Angove.

KONY 2012

28 Christmas Days have come and gone and I have yet to recieve the one gift I have asked for every year.

Not a trampoline, not a car, not a horse.

All I have ever really wanted is world peace.

I know that is a lot to ask but thanks to the KONY 2012 campain, by next Christmas, life in Africa may be more peaceful than ever imagined.

It's easy to feel helpless when it comes to changing the world for the better, but creater Jason Russell and his brilliant team have made it very easy to make a huge difference.

Please watch. Please pledge.

Sensational Stirfry

I don't know about you, but my love for all things Asian knows no bounds.

Asia created one of my best friends in the whole world (Hi Bobo!), all of my electronics, and the magnetic compass, one of my favorite references. I love their fashion styles, their great walls, their long thick hair, their metabolisms, their Green Tea KitKats, and Hello Kittys.

And most of all (aside from little Bobo), their stir frys.

Here's the recipe created by me, a wannabe Asian. Or Whasion as Bobo calls me.

Sensational Stir Fry

Ingredients, 2 parter, there are lots:

1/4 cup lite tamari
2 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp sriacha
1 tbsp garlic, minced
1tbsp lemongrass, minced
1 tbsp giner, minced
3 heaping tbsp chunky peanut butter
1 tbsp Braggs Amino Acid
1 block of tofu, drained and cubed
1 can of baby corn
2 tbsp olive oil

Now the veggie ingredients:

Small head of broccoli, chopped
1 pack of snap peas, cut in half
1 yellow bell pepper, chopped
1 package of celery, chopped
1 zuchinni, chopped
1 package of mushrooms, chopped
1 large bundle of bok choy or another leafy asian green. I can't remember what I used.

I'm going to add here, that if you are gunning to be my next boyfriend, a boquet such as the one above will get you a hell of a lot further with me than your standard boquet of flowers.

First let's get saucy. Into an large jar add the tamari, lemon juice, sriacha, garlic, lemongrass, ginger, peanut butter, and Braggs. Close the lid and shake what your momma gave you. But only if your mom buys your groceries for you.

Once it's blended, or when your arms grow tired, whichever comes first, toss in the cubed tofu. Lid back on, couple more shakes, and put it in the fridge.

While thats marinating, you can chop your vegetables. This is by far my favorite household chore. I read an article a long time ago about how chopping veggies uses only the left side of your brain, allowing the right side that is usually running on overdrive to chill out. Leave it to the scientists to analyze the serentiy out of a perfectly relaxing time. Now all I think about is whether or not I can feel the actual sides working and that just completely grosses me out. Barf.

Ummm... ok, so back to stirfry. Chop all of your veggies and toss in a bowl. Heat up the olive oil on medium heat in a super large fryin pan or wok and start adding veggies. You may need to wait for some of the veggies to cook down before you can fit them all in.

Now that the veggies are cooking, it's time to toss in your marinated tofu and sauce.

Stirring frequently, let the stir fry cook on medium heat until the veggies are cooked but still crisp.

Dish this out onto rice or noodles, whichever you prefer, pour yourself a glass of sake and invite over all your favorite asian friends! Or your favorite wannabe asians (me perhaps), whichever you prefer.

Enjoy!!

And PS, I promise not to say barf in any more recipe posts!

Liar, Liar, Dates On Fire

There are times in life when honesty is the best policy and there are times when it is not.

These times are called dating.

Of course, there are things you should always be truthful about: your age (a year up or down doesn't count), your intentions, and your phone number.

But show me a girl who says that she is 100% honest at all times when in the dating scene and I will show you a liar. Ironic really.

And then I will show her this post so that she can have some insight on where the line between a lie and a flirt is drawn.

Example:

Crush: I just went on a fabulous trip to Europe.
Truth: Yeah, I know. I saw every picture from your trip on Facebook and read each comment. It was so funny how you imitated every statue that you came across for a photo op!
Flirt: Oh, interesting! Where abouts did you go?

Stalkers are creepy and open ended questions, even ones that you may already know the answers to, are encouraged.

Example:

Crush: I really enjoy hanging out at Club X downtown.
Truth: I heard that from your best friend's ex-girlfriend's cousin who works in my building so I've been going there five nights a week hoping to run into you. They make great mojitos!
Flirt: I heard that place was fun, we should check it out together some time.

People freak out when they realize they are not anonymous. This way you may even score a date.

So that's when you should lie. It's also when you should get a life and stop focusing on theirs.

Here is when you should tell the truth.

Example:

Crush: I speak French
Lie: Moi aussi! Voulez-vous couchez avec moi, ce soir?
Flirt: How exotic of you! Have you ever been to Paris?

By telling the truth, you have gone from a Lady Marmalade lying hooker to an interesting conversationalist. Voila!

And here's an example from last weekend of a man we call Phoenix. We don't know why we call him that, we only know that it makes us laugh so hard that it counts as an ab workout.

Phoenix: Would you like to go snowshoeing on Saturday?
Lu: Oh course, it's my favorite outdoor activity, I'm soooo good at it! I left my gear in my hometown though! Oh well!
Phoenix: No problem, I'm super manly and can take care of that for you. Pick you up at 10.

Expletive.

This is a situation when a lie was not necessary considering that the truth would have set me free.

Truth: I have always wanted to try it, maybe you could teach me?

Those are the lines that I come up with after I've dug myself so far into a hole that even a seven hour snowshoe lesson would not be able to get me out of.

Maybe a cute outfit will help ease the guilt of an untruth?

Nope.

So I continued the lie even after he gave me several outs and even after almost getting busted.

Lu: These snowshoes are way different than mine, can you help me do them up?
Phoenix: That's weird, these are standard issue.
Lu: Hhhmmm...

One thing I've learned is that the truth will almost always be revealed. In my case it comes right on schedule, after approximately three glasses of wine.

Lu: I lied! I lied! I've never snowshoed before! (spoken through Beetlejuice lips)

Of course this is an example of a lie that did not get me into a lot of trouble and that wasn't a big deal once revealed. I just felt like an idiot and Phoenix likely thought I was an idiot as well.

So where to draw the line on telling the truth about your athletic abilities? Always be honest.

You will avoid the hours of youtubing certain sports, buying gear that is unnecessary, and looking like a wacko because you thought speed was the primary goal in winning at snowshoeing.

Also, your date is instantly put in the teacher/hero/upper hand role, and what man doesn't love that?

Tu comprende?

So for the future, trust that speaking French will not seal the deal.

Trust that the reality of who you are is always good enough.

Trust that your authentic self is what your future forever-lover will fall for.

Au revoir.

Survival Of The Funnest

On mornings when your aura feels better suited for a Saturday.

On mornings when you jump out of bed and then realize you need to sit back down.

On mornings when a week night winefest doesn't seem like such a great idea anymore.

Those are the mornings that you should refer to this post.

It is not unusual that I fall victim to a random runaway night out on a week day. And it usually results in me feeling like a victim the whole next day as I sit like a chump in my office with the door closed googling time machines.

As a reformed party girl (last night doesn't count), I have a few tricky tips to get you back on the fast track to health and prosperity. And by prosperity I mean finding out which bar you left your credit card at.

First of all, no matter how badly you don't want to get wet (that's what no one said), hop in the shower. Not only will this wake you up, but you will also wash off any booze that has escaped from your pores, dirt that is stuck to your feet from dancing bare foot after painful high heels were removed, and shame that covering your body.

Time to brusha brusha. Toothpaste on brush, brush dipped in baking soda. Trust me, this will transform a cat litter mouth into a breath of fresh air and remove red wine stains at the same time.

I am not a strong believer in breakfast being the most important meal of the day, but on days like this I am a die hard fan. Smoothies are the hungover working girl's savior. Toss in all of your favorite fruits, a banana, handful of spinach, water, and a couple packets of B12 instant energy. Blend and guzzle. If your queasy stomach can handle it, add some greasy hash browns to the mix.

Feeling better? Thought so.

Now get dressed in your most professional stretchy pants and baggy sweater and get to work. Quick. Before anyone notices. But make sure you grab a coffee on the way.

Once you've arrived to the office, check your emails and meeting schedule and make a list of your 'must dos'. If anything can be delegated, do so. Today is not the day so be a hero.

Once you have handled all urgent business, shut your office door and set your alarm for a half hour. Lay down under your desk and close your swollen eyes. I like to keep a blanket around for these type of naps.

Now that you've rested, hit your 'must do' list, focusing on busy work that doesn't require a clear head.

Lunch time! You probably have a go to hangover meal, so get it. Calories and fat content doesn't count today, just get it down the hatch.

Ok, so half your day is behind you and only four more hours until you are as free as a sick bird with a broken wing.

Now that you're starting to feel normal (whatever that means to you), it's time to go through your phone (hopefully it's not lost) and check your outgoing calls and text mails. This is the worst part of a runaway night but I promise you can get through this. Start with the calls.

Disregard any calls to your closest circle of friends, they probably already know about your antics and love you anyways, and if they don't, maybe it's time they were removed from the circle. Calls to ex-lovers and crushes is what your looking for here. Check number of calls, call time, and call length. This can be very telling. Telling you whether to hide under a rock for the next three weeks or to pat yourself on the back for having self control.

This would be a good time to call your winefest buddy and start piecing together the events of the night prior. Hopefully she is in the same rocky boat as you and you can get a good laugh from talking to her. Laughter can move mountains and migraines.

Text mail time. If you happen to have sent anything inappropriate you have three options. Option one, send another text mail saying that your phone was stolen by a friend or hooligan and you are so sorry for their actions. Option two, pretend that nothing happened. It kinda didn't, I mean you don't remember, do you? Option three, get behind your messages and twist the situation to make it seem that you were totally in line by saying what you said.

Four hours fly by when you're strategizing.

Time to clock out. Get home. It's completely appropriate to take a cab. Hopefully it's the same one you left your bank card in last night.

Pop in a feel good movie, crack open a Gatorade, and start eating as many bananas as you can handle.

Good as new? Not really. New is over-rated, I've always preferred shabby chic.

But you've made it through the day and you still have a job.

Tomorrow is another day. Booze it wisely.

Brave New World Of Wall Art

My all time favorite novel is Brave New World by Auldous Huxley. I read it all the time and always seem to get something more from it each time.

However, this is not a book blog, this is not Voracious Lu. If you want to read my thoughts on the book, head there, or better yet, read it yourself, you won't be disappointed.

There is a passage in the book that I love so much that I have memorized it and now write it down on everything I own. Including the back of a broken dresser that was on its way to the dumpster.

This project is very easy but extremely time consuming, it took me about a week and a half to finish including two nights where I was up until 3 in the morning. Yep, just another wild weekend at Lu's house.

Let's get you started!

Choose your base. Start with any piece of scrap wood, canvas, or MDF board.

Choose your words. Carefully. I chose a very long and difficult passage to start with and am quite happy with the results but there were moments when I was overwhelmed and wanted to throw the whole thing back in the dumpster. Long words are also a problem when it comes to spacing, so keep that in mind.

Choose your paint. I used cheapo acrylic paint. I mixed several colors to create the shade that I wanted which seemed like a brilliant idea until it came time to mix more. If you know that the painting process will take place over a couple of days, I suggest using just one color so you don't have spend so much time recreating the exact match. Unless you want a bunch of different shades, that's your choice. I'm not here to judge.

You will need to have stencils for the letters. I chose 2 inch Gothic style.

Crafters be warned: measure twice, stencil once.

Take the extra time to figure out how much space you need and which words will be on which lines. I learned this the hard way (of course) and spent a lot of time erasing lines and air punching in frustration.

Once the letters were on, it was paint time. I used a quarter inch paintbrush which worked well with the 2 inch letters. This is the part that takes up so much time but just relax into it and enjoy the process. And above all, don't let anybody help you, especially friends that wander into your place after the bar at 2 am wanting to help out. Look at the last H is you need proof of this. You will feel a great satisfaction when your work is completed that you did it single-handedly.

In the end, it all fit. I was happy.

Not happy in a grand way.

But happy nonetheless.

Playing Video Games In My Blue Jeans

I am not a talent agent. I am not a hot shot record producer. I am not Simon Cowell.

However, I am the 959th person that watched Lana Del Rey's first music video. And considering that her family probably watched it at least 40 times when it was first put out, I was probably the 919th person to witness the pure genius that is Lana Del Rey.

I was her fan back when the Video Games youtube video was banned for copyright infringement and when she wanted to 'f&#k you hard in the pouring rain', rather than 'kiss you hard in the pouring rain'.

I remember when I first saw the video, being completely blown away, not only but her musical talent, the range in her voice and the lyrics to her songs, but by her persona.

She is someone that I could go for lunch with, take a quick trip to the mall, exchange love advice (surely she could sort me out), and then raid each other's closets.

I loved her first!!!

But I'm glad you love her too. I swear, not bitter at all. I guess I just feel like she has a piece of my heart, so when I see that it's being shared with the whole world I get a bit jealous.

I guess, This Is What Makes Us Girls.

Lana, I am so happy for your sucesss but I will always consider you my little discovery that I, alone, shared with the world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_jWcIDqXq0&feature=plcp&context=C3ec77e3UDOEgsToPDskJ5DyRiIArQT208qP_M3okt

Spag To The Hetti Sauce

I love spaghetti. And I love that I was the only kid in grade two that knew how to spell spaghetti.

Break it up kids: SPAG HETTI.

There, you've already learned something and I haven't even gotten to the recipe for my home made spag hetti sauce.

There are many reasons that I prefer make homemade spaghetti sauce, rather than picking up a boring old jar from the store.

They have to do with me being a control freak, and having underdeveloped biceps.

Let me clarify.

The more I delve into the vegan world, the more I notice the long list of ingredients that go into the products that I so often bought before. Many of those ingredients I cannot pronounce and many sauces have sneakily added animal products which I am NOT ok with. I only want high end natural fuel going into this Ferrari.

Also, I have no boyfriend. I have no upper body strength. This makes opening jars a very strenuous process, one that I avoid at all costs.

SPAG TO THE HETTI SAUCE

Ingredients:

5 roma tomatoes
2 large red bell peppers
3 plus 3 tbsp of olive oil
Salt and pepper
2 tbsp of tomato paste
Huge handful of fresh basil
.5 cups of red wine
2 tbsp minced garlic
1 small red onion chopped
1 zucchini, diced
1 cup of mushrooms, chopped
1 cup of grape tomatoes, halved
1 tbsp of jalapeno flakes
1 cup of water
1 package of gluten free spaghetti
3 cups of spinach

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Halve the roma tomatoes and slice each red pepper into about 6 pieces. Toss them in 3 tablespoons of olive oil and place on lined baking sheet. Shake on salt and a lot of pepper. Roast for 40 to 50 minutes until they are blackened on the bottom.

Once they are finished, toss them in the blender with the tomato paste, basil, and wine. The alcohol in the wine will burn off as the sauce cooks, so if you're having a bad day I suggest you swap the wine for water and drink it straight. Blend until smoothe.

In a large pot, heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil and add onions and garlic.

Add the tomato mixture, zucchini, mushrooms, grape tomatoes, jalapeno flakes, and water. Cover and cook for 30 minutes. Sauce complete!

 Now boil your noodles and when they are just about done add the spinach and continue cooking for a couple of minutes until the spinach is cooked. This is a tricky way to add more greens to your life.

Dish out the spinach and noodles onto a plate and top with the sauce, and pour yourself a glass of the good stuff, whatever that means to you. For me, it's my bestie named Shiraz.

Why work on your biceps when making a sauce is this easy?

Bon appetit!

Bump. Set. Spike.

When the idea started circulating this year of a creating a co-ed volleyball team I was immediately hit with a series of highschool flashbacks.

Making the honour roll. Making up cheerleading dances. Making amazing lifelong friends. Making out with my grade 12 history tutor.

One thing I did not make was the highschool volleyball team.

My best friend Jay and I have always been pretty similar in our athletic abilities and also quite similar in our desire to own and proudly wear a team hoodie.

So we tried out for the school's volleyball team.

We may not have been the most athletic duo of misfits, but we sure knew how to swing and hit a curve ball.

We didn't make the A team? No problem, we'll just try out for the B team.

Didn't make the B team? No sweat, we'll just try out for the C team.

The C team doesn't exist? Does now.

Thanks to Jay's popularity and gift of the gab, she was able to wrangle up a whole team of girls that were chomping at the bit to show off their bumps, sets, and spikes.

Only there were a couple more curve balls heading our way. Hey batter, batter!

'We have no uniforms for you.'

The 1970's cheerleading costumes will suffice.

'We don't have budget to order you team hoodies.'

Nothing a trip to Bootlegger and a couple cans of PuffPaint can't fix.

'There are no teams for you to play aside from the elementary schools.'

Bring it on brats.

So how did we do?

Well, if you're looking for the truth, I will tell you that we lost about 90% of our games. If you're looking for a lie, you can consult my high school year book and read my list of 'accomplishments'.

Times have changed though, and I was looking forward to spending time with my friends being active and without all the awkwardness and insecurity that highschool provided.

Of course, there are a whole other set of problems now.

Like being too stressed to remember to bring Jay's running shoes to the game, forcing her to play in slip on boat shoes. Like running into one of your male team mates at the bar and telling him you have a crush on him and then acting like it never happened at the next game. Like trusting your depth perception when running for the ball only to get smacked in the face. Like pretending that your face doesn't feel like it got hit by a semitruck so that you appear somewhat tough in front of your crush.

And of course, some things never change.

Like not having enough budget for team hoodies. Like losing 90% of our games. Like loving every minute of getting to hang out with your friends.

I'll take that as a win.

Ace.

Leaving a Mark

There are plenty of ways that people leave their own mark in the world.

Some choose to leave their mark on the music industry (like Whitney, God rest her soul), the business world, or major league baseball.

Some take the simpler route, planting a beautiful garden for the world to enjoy, giving back to the community through volunteer work, by vowing to do at least one good deed per day.

Gigi and I recently chose to leave our marks on T-shirts, through a process called watermarking.

We may not aspire to change the world but we do aspire to look unique while making out ways through it.

This is what you will need: 

• 1 pre-washed shirt t-shirt or tank top
• Graph paper
• Sharpie
• Paper
• 1 bottle of Elmers blue gel glue (it is critical that you buy this exact brand)
• Box of clothing dye

Ready, set, craft.

The longest step of this project for me, was choosing the words to apply to the shirt. I searched through old journals, Pearl Jam lyrics, famous quotes, the backs of many cereal boxes looking for something that caught my eye.

Snap! Crackle! Pop! just wasn't cutting it for me.

 I finally settled on the intro quote from one of my favorite songs by the Stars called Your Ex-Lover is Dead:

 'When there's nothing left to burn, you have to set yourself on fire.'

 Gigi used a poem that I had written:

 'Love poems, hips bones, finding a man that can dance. Fast times, ancient rhymes, people who dare to chance.'

 Then she added her own poetic lines:

 'Cartwheels, high heels, feeling the sun on my face. Moon beams, pipe dreams, knowing I'm in the right place.'

We were set!

We started by writing the quote in dark marker on the graph paper and then sliding the paper into the shirt and tracing with the glue. I found the glue application very stressful.

Holding my breath, trying not to have a shaky hand, heart racing. I also considered this to be my cardio for the day.

Gigi is less high strung than me so she said she found the process quite enjoyable. Weirdo.

And I think that showed in the end result. Perfection.

Once the glue has been applied, place the t-shirts somewhere where no one can sit on them, or drop something on them, or where any dogs or cats can interfere with the drying process, and leave them to dry for 24 hours.

The next day, whip up your fabric dye as per the instructions on the box and dye your shirt.

We used a bucket rather than a flat tub and failed to mix the dye well enough. It ended up working out though because our shirts had a really cool tie-dye look to them that I am just CRAZY about.

If after you've dyed your shirt and have rinsed all of the excess dye from  it, there is still glue residue, use SoftSoap to remove it.

Throw your beautiful creation into the washing machine with like or dark colors and BAM.

There you have it. You're own custom made shirt.

Pot Head

It's all I have for you today, but I think it's enough.

Creamy Dreamy Mexican Rice

It's still chilly here in Calgary and I am in need of some major warming up.

I was going to mix up a Hot Toddy, but then I realized that I am out of rum.

I was going to going to hop on my private jet and head to the Bahamas but then I realized that I am not a millionaire.

I was going to call up my hot Brazilian lover, but then I realized that he doesn't exist.

What now? After a steaming hot bath I threw on my sexiest flannel jammies and headed to the kitchen to create something that would warm me from the inside out.

Creamy Dreamy Mexican Rice

Ingredients:

1 cup of dry rice, cooked
1 container of grape tomatoes
3 tbsp of olive oil
Salt and pepper
2 large or 3 small avocados
1/4 cup of chipotle peppers
Juice of 1 lime
1 cup of cilantro
1 cup of frozen corn, thawed

Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

Put on your favorite Ricky Martin CD. That part is very important.

Cut the tomatoes in half and toss in olive oil, salt, and pepper and place on a baking sheet.

Roast in the oven for 20 minutes until crispy and black on the bottom.

Before:

After:

Start cooking the rice according to the package. I would give you instructions for this but rice cooking is not my greatest skill. You're better off listening to Mr. Ben, not Miss Lu.

Next, take a couple of minutes to shake your bon bon, shake your bon bon, shake your bon bon.

Toss into your blender the roasted tomatoes, avocados, lime juice (squeeze the hard, this can double as a bicep exercise), cilantro, and chipotle peppers. Blend until smooth and creamy.

Pour this mixture into a baking dish and once the rice is finished cooking, add that and the corn and mix thoroughly.

Finito.

This can be served as a side dish to a lovely tomato soup, or wrapped in a tortilla with some lettuce, or as I often do, lay it down on a bed of spinach.

Not quite as sexy as Seal laying it down on a bed of roses, but this will also do your body good. Just in a different way.

Temperature is coming up. Flannels are coming off. Starting to feel like I've been kissed by a rose on a grave.

Now THAT is some powerful rice.

Enjoy!